it's not what you are underneath...it's what you do that defines you!


Wednesday, June 30, 2004
D' premeditated twirl of a lash



People lie. Who doesn't? People who claim that they have not lie at one point in their lives are fucked up. This could be the most bullshit thing you'll ever heard from someone. So it's a fact...we all lie and we all have the tendency of lying.

The way i see it...everyone has his/her reason/s for lying. But lying, whatever the reasons, may it be good or bad doesn't cover up the stain of the act. Lies are still lies...whatever they are. Did you read me? LIES.

The worst part of course is that when you know the truth and the other person still insisted that he/she must lie for some certain, apparent reason. That sucks! I mean, why lie? Okay, my point is debatable so I have to be a little specific.

There's this mutant...I asked something so nice and something so honest. Of course I know the truth, and my purpose for inquiring is merely for validation. Just to know if this mutant will affirmed to the truth. Only to find out that this friggin' mutant will give me the "pre-meditated lie"....what a bugger! To top it all, the issue for lying is not even a BIG thing...it's trivial, and the way I see it, only fucked up person would do that.

Okay, I'm fucked up too...and i hate this entry.

I'm mad because i'm putting such worry to myself.

Here's a flower for my grave.


Posted at 04:40 pm by white_suds
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The strangest words ever said...



"I love you."

When was the last time I said those fucking words? And even now, I cringed as I typed them. I canít say those wordsÖnot even to my parents. But why is it that everytime I see you, itís like the words wanted to burst from my mouth in an instant. Just saying it would make me better. Iím sure it will. Making you aware of what I feel makes a whole lot of difference. Iím sure reciprocation is but the strangest but one thing is sure. I know it will give me peace knowing that you know how I feel.

I am a selfish shit! I wanted to say those words even if youíre going to disgust me after. I wanted to shout it to your face even though Iíll see those awful cringe once again. I will dare tell it to you and give you the reason to be uncomfortable but remember, Iíll only say it once. The second timeÖyou have to dig a hole and bury me.

-------

You know what? saying those words makes me feel like I'm riding a rocketship...it wants to burst really bad, and then you soar so high you wouldn't know how to stop...then after awhile, you'll have nowhere to go but TO GO DOWN. Then comes, regret.


Posted at 04:14 pm by white_suds
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Tuesday, June 29, 2004
what's in the inside, you'll never know



In the strangest way, this person has stopped recognizing y existence. I mean, she knows I exist, in fact we see each other almost all our lives but then again I feel that she is unable to see me anymore. I feel like a wind to her. Itís like I was just passing and although she noticed me, she never did once look into my eyes or maybe she did but it was a fleeting moment. So brief that I never met her.

Maybe the fault is mine too. Should I be honest? How? The truth isÖI donít know what to feel. I donít know how to deal with y feelings that sometimes I donít recognize them myself.

What bothers me right now is thatÖI wanted to see her face and hate her at the same time. Iím a bitter soul and she should have never met me in the first place because she made me realized how this bitterness could eat the whole of me. Eventually, it will affect other people, except myselfÖthus the inability to feel.

------

when i make an entry, as much as possible, i try to include an image. sometimes, it captures the meaning i want to convey, most of the time it does not. but this image would probably be the closest...a broken mirror!


Posted at 01:44 pm by white_suds
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Wednesday, May 19, 2004
Reaching the red marker



this might amaze you but i'm terribly blind-sighted by that immeasurable stance that you project every now and then. who do you think you are, you old woman. you think heavy and feel that the world is at the tip of your index, wrinkled old finger when really all you got are some shit.


you hate my guts and i'm glad because with all honesty, the FEELING IS MUTUAL or even worse because right i wish i never met you. and this time i mean it.

Posted at 07:00 pm by white_suds
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Monday, May 17, 2004
Peace frog

She came blood in the streets runs a river of sadness

She came blood in the streets it's up to my thigh

She came the river runs red down the legs of a city

She came the women are crying red rivers of weepin'

She came into town and then she drove away

Sunlight in her hair

Indians scattered on dawn's highway bleeding

Ghosts crowd the young child's fragile eggshell mind

Blood in the streets in the town of New Haven

Blood stains the roofs and the palm trees of Venice

Blood in my love in the terrible summer

Bloody red sun of Phantastic L.A.

Blood screams her brain as they chop off her fingers

Blood will be born in the birth of a nation

Blood is the rose of mysterious union

There's blood in the streets, it's up to my ankles

Blood in the streets, it's up to my knee

Blood in the streets in the town of Chicago

Blood on the rise, it's following me ---------


Posted at 06:25 pm by white_suds
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Tuesday, May 11, 2004
A long Hiatus causes bloodshot!

It's almost a month since I last made an entry. I usually write when I'm under extreme emotions--too happy or too depressed. I like melancholia and the feeling it gives me especially when I'm bursting and I really wanted to wander off somewhere. We're not talking much about happiness here, since with all honesty, it's the most fleeting feeling there is. Not even the shits I excrete form my body. So anyway, the reason I didn't write much lately is because my mind is too full lately. I still have the bleaks roaming around me everyday. It's not something that I could take away but the hard deal is...i cannot put them into proper words. Can you read this? Soaring. Wanting. Eating. Bloodshot. Broken. Eardrum. Fucked-up. Swollen. Feet. Thunder. Baloon. High. rainbow. Black. Sequel. Doom. Worm.Eyes........ I don't understand them either. They don't make sense.

Posted at 06:55 pm by white_suds
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Friday, April 23, 2004
Gulping for air while soaked in melancholy

how do you stop from breathing without really taking the effort not to breath??? how do you talk to people you find absolutely phony but you have to deal with 'em everyday? how do you kill people and get away with it? how do you ask yourself without self-reproaching? how do you say you care for someone without being vulnerable? how do i write without disclosing too much of WHO I REALLY AM? Who I really am doesn't concern you or anyone. i am just a bulshit trash waiting to be collected. i am not bothered at all of what you think of me but this is me, take it or leave it. but just to be sure, when you decided to leave me in the bin, make sure i am dead, alright? so that i won't come back to haunt you. and oh, before i forget, I AM NOT RECYCLABLE.

Posted at 06:58 pm by white_suds
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I like white and i epitomize the suds...
I am a walking reflection of a dark alley which I pass by every night...it's dark, mysterious, and haunting. People tried walking on this alley but not once did they try to discover the real soul...


I am a rock band fanatic...

I go to places where there are less lights and less people talking...

I love movies (those i feel have sense and art)...

I love The Doors and the 60s...

I love thinking it hurts...

I sometimes wish life but most of the time vanishing in thin air...


   





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