http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/ white suds Fri, 28 Oct 2005 19:40:04 PDT http://www.blogdrive.com Copyright 2005. Arts Entertainment People http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/archive/63.html Sat, 29 Oct 2005 03:33:45 GMT i found means to do some thinking lately. it happens especially if you're bored with life and you have nothing but two cans of beer in your little refrigerator and some shitty shows on the television. you'll just decide to lie down and stare at the wall for hours. then, when it's there, it's there...the burst of thoughts going easy on you. my life so far is a blast of shits. no achievements. no, nothing. i kept thinking that maybe i was born for a phlegmatic life. i scribbled some shits last night: (people, go easy on me on this one oyat?) it was the silence of night that... (more) http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/comments?id=63 http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/archive/62.html Tue, 21 Jun 2005 04:06:32 GMT Last night I realized that SHE is as sensitive as I thought she was. She tries so hard to defy everything that would contradict her as a happy-go-lucky person but in reality, she’s as rotten as hell (like me). At lest I’m not trying to hide it. Am I just sourgraping or what? Maybe, but I just find it ridiculous to be funny and gay when deep inside you know you’re hurting. I mean, why try to hide it? People don’t give a shit about what you feel. Last night, I made a little attempt to drive away from being too close to this person. I mean, I don’t want to invest anymore. People leave me all... (more) http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/comments?id=62 http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/archive/61.html Mon, 20 Jun 2005 08:59:29 GMT I promised styar I would try to write again. It sure took me awhile but at least I'm down to my system once again. Not that it gets better this time but at least I'm holding on. What keep me going really is that I know I'm not alone. Unfortunately, I have nothing onmy mind right now. Specifically nothing to write (or maybe I've lost my ability to write). I dunno. I'll write something if I can. http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/comments?id=61 http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/archive/60.html Fri, 09 Jul 2004 06:52:45 GMT Today, I feel like falling into the abyss… I’m so fucked up. I feel my temple throbbing double time and I could feel the sharpness of my jaw every time I grit my teeth. My eyes are hot and my lips are sore. My head is spinning and I feel so confined. I want to untangle my hair into the wind and surrender my body into that deep, dark hole but that would mean total absolution. I think I’m not ready. The air is unusually in the mood for a long sleep and I get invitations too. From time to time I would think about it and I would usually decline. http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/comments?id=60 http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/archive/59.html Thu, 08 Jul 2004 07:28:48 GMT I've tried to sit still but my feet would languidly sway under the cold water. the ripples were good to look at. they've become my refuge. my consolation over this self-inflicted solace. but the coldness never got through my bone, it evaporated slowly like the rain splashing on my face. i stared at the water trying not to notice my own reflection. my own redundancy. instead i tried searching for the bottom of the green water not exatcly knowing what exactly i was searching for. i dig and search and eventually find nothing. the abyss scares me sometimes. even though i keep on telling... (more) http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/comments?id=59 http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/archive/58.html Wed, 07 Jul 2004 02:12:15 GMT i wonder why this conviction is turning me into a mad dog. i hate pretending but sometimes it leaves me with no choice. i have to smile only for the sake of being human. i never intend to console other souls simply for their own satisfaction but there are situations that i just have to stoop down to my own level. i saw the moon last night. i stared until my eyes got weary. i hop into bed thinking its beauty and found myself angry. like a mad dog i salivate at the sight of a potential victim but cringe as i dig my teeth onto its flesh! http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/comments?id=58 http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/archive/57.html Thu, 01 Jul 2004 11:12:41 GMT i see you without knowing that i was already slipping my shivering hands inside that little, dark closet of yours hoping to see your nakedness, wishing to touch your warmness. i have to do this without you knowing it. without you knowing that it was my frigid hands that's touching your frailty. i've learned that knowledge doesn't always bring good. it makes the other person deadly conscious which in the end put the 'agressor' in the wrong footing. but you know what? you're so good in hiding things that you could fool anyone but me. i hate myself for loving the things that you hate... (more) http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/comments?id=57 http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/archive/56.html Wed, 30 Jun 2004 08:40:11 GMT People lie. Who doesn't? People who claim that they have not lie at one point in their lives are fucked up. This could be the most bullshit thing you'll ever heard from someone. So it's a fact...we all lie and we all have the tendency of lying. The way i see it...everyone has his/her reason/s for lying. But lying, whatever the reasons, may it be good or bad doesn't cover up the stain of the act. Lies are still lies...whatever they are. Did you read me? LIES. The worst part of course is that when you know the truth and the other person still insisted that he/she must lie for some certain,... (more) http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/comments?id=56 http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/archive/55.html Wed, 30 Jun 2004 08:14:36 GMT "I love you." When was the last time I said those fucking words? And even now, I cringed as I typed them. I can’t say those words…not even to my parents. But why is it that everytime I see you, it’s like the words wanted to burst from my mouth in an instant. Just saying it would make me better. I’m sure it will. Making you aware of what I feel makes a whole lot of difference. I’m sure reciprocation is but the strangest but one thing is sure. I know it will give me peace knowing that you know how I feel. I am a selfish shit! I wanted to say those words even if you’re going to disgust me... (more) http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/comments?id=55 http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/archive/54.html Tue, 29 Jun 2004 05:44:10 GMT In the strangest way, this person has stopped recognizing y existence. I mean, she knows I exist, in fact we see each other almost all our lives but then again I feel that she is unable to see me anymore. I feel like a wind to her. It’s like I was just passing and although she noticed me, she never did once look into my eyes or maybe she did but it was a fleeting moment. So brief that I never met her. Maybe the fault is mine too. Should I be honest? How? The truth is…I don’t know what to feel. I don’t know how to deal with y feelings that sometimes I don’t recognize them myself. What... (more) http://whitesuds.blogdrive.com/comments?id=54